Looking back, probably part of the reason I disappeared for as long as I did was just depression. Not clinical really, although the Paxil did help for a while, but just bone deep, "I know what is wrong and can not fix it." And that is still weighing on me.
I mentioned my work situation a couple of times here and here. After I posted the second one, I received very sound advice on what to do and how to do it. I am completely humiliated to say I did nothing. Still haven't. We have a new person working here and she has already contacted HR (after 4 months) about the hostile work environment and the fact that we have absolutely zero management or supervision. Last week. After 4 months. Two months before her probation is up.
I beat myself up about it last week. You know, could've, should've, would've...BUT.
In my case there really was a BUT and I couldn't get around it. Yes, my job pays really well, for what I do and this area, and, yes, DSD is still out of work and his retirement will not support us and so I really have to work. BUT those are not the reasons I kept quiet. The reason I kept quiet was because I was not the only person involved and the other person was a friend. Or so I thought.
She had (some months prior) to the big blowout around here, found herself having sex with another employee. Someone else paid his pay check, but we all worked here together. Both were married. I didn't judge, except to think that she had really, really bad taste. She separated from her husband, his wife discovered his shenanigans and made threats, the affair ended.
Last August the shyte hit the fan. The man (?) my friend had had sex with had (allegedly) also had sex with another employee and befriended the crazy person (really we call her CrO short for Crazy One) who makes our lives miserable. She (CrO) had then proceeded to tell the world about all of the sex this guy was getting. There was blah, blah, blah and meetings and stuff and I am boring myself just by typing it all.
So, my "friend" and I called our true boss in Jacksonville and she came here and there were more meetings and more stuff and blah, blah, blah and she was allegedly not impressed with the BS being spread by CrO, PLUS I had documentation of lies she told and the persecution she was giving me and others and how it was almost impossible to DO MY JOB... HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT. The boss gave me (and the "friend" advice) which we followed and then we proceeded to get REAMED out and my "friend" was told that she would be the only one losing her job. No husband, no job... gets tough.
So we sat down and shut up. Come to work. Do our jobs. Go home. I actually love my job, except for CrO and the one in Jacksonville.
June 2010 - my "friend" gets a new, better paying, more stable position. New girl starts. New girl gets fed up quickly.
October 2010 - new girl contacts HR. I am not positive what has happened with that and the new girl is off now until next week.
My issue? My "friend" who has now reconciled with her husband and does not want to jeopardize her marriage again informed me that she didn't care what the new girl does, as long as the "friend's" name is not brought up. I don't know how her husband could even hear about an investigation.. even an indepth one. But I felt like once her position was secure, she would be here for me to help me prove that I was NOT the insane one last year. That we were/are being persecuted. That even the Bitch in Jacksonville should not be working, especially in management, because she is an embarrassment to this company.
Truthfully? When I read the article in Vanity Fair about Sarah Palin's temper tantrums and her mood swings, I thought, "Holy shit, this could be about CrO"
Life's not fair. And I understand looking out for #1, but my feelings were hurt. My only hope is that I will be receiving a promotion and will be moving into another department. I knew that would not occur before October 1, and probably not before 1 January.. but please cross your fingers that it happens SOON! Or that the new HR person that was contacted last week actually does something.
And maybe hope that I start making new friends.
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2 comments:
I am so sorry for your work stress! Like so many people in our country today, you stay on the job because quitting just isn't an option.
The American work environment, the general HR policies operative at most businesses, the hours, declining benefits, management mindset, etc., were all so inhumane, so detrimental to production that I think we HAVE to factor that in as a contribution to the recession. (Pardon that run-on sentence, please.)
And one Borderline Personality Disorder at the top can wreck the whole thing.
You might enjoy the book SHADOW SYNDROMES by Ratey and Johnson. Not new, but very useful for the work environment.
I will try to read it eventually, but I am chronically behind in my reading. Thank you for your kind words!
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