Friday, April 20, 2007

Finally Friday

It is Friday again. Friday April 20, 2007. Four days past the most horrific school shooting in history at Virginia Tech and eight years past Colombine. I have been busy all week with work and school, so I haven’t caught most of the coverage on TV. I have read the write-ups on the web and listened to NPR. So it was with great shock that I caught myself crying on the way to work this morning. NPR had a story about 2 survivors who were in the same classroom that awful morning; the classroom the killer killed himself in. Part of the story can be read here, but the part that broke my heart was the older brother (a Senior at VT) who has not left the side of his freshman sister. He is feeling horrible guilt, because his little sister only went to VT because he was there. I just want to hug him. I guess he personified everyone who has been injured and killed and their families and it just ripped me up inside.

Why does this happen? It isn’t really as new as everyone claims, the worst school shooting in our history before Monday was at Texas Tech in 1966 (before I was born). I talked to my mom about that last night and she was just dumbfounded by the fact that it was happening even then. But there was no CNN®, FoxNews®, or MSNBC®. There were no 24 hour news stations. There were only 2 TV stations where my parents lived then. Is it worse now? Are there more shootings? Maybe. Maybe not. We are just inundated with information for weeks (and years) afterwards. I am not saying that we should not remember the 8 year anniversary of the murders at Colombine. We need to remember. But it is also very important that we learn to heal.

Do the media make murder/suicide look “cool” to those who are slightly off center? I have read (several places, several times through the years) that these large highly televised murdering sprees encourage others to aspire to this level of infamy. Is murder contagious? Is suicide? I am not a psychologist. I don’t know. I honestly don’t think anyone does.

I mentioned on Monday that we needed to get rid of the guns. Apparently no one is reading this blog, because I didn’t get any death threats over my desire for more encompassing gun laws. The authorities are saying that the murderer bought his guns legally, but according to NPR and what I just read at Newsweek, most believe he did not legally buy the gun. He would not have been able to buy those handguns if they were outlawed. There is not reason for an honest person (unless in the military or law enforcement) to own a weapon that’s sole purpose is for murder.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Twenty dead?

I had a lovely post ready about the birthday party on Saturday night, but that will have to wait. I cannot breathe at this point, how is this possible? "One dead" said the first headline. "Twenty fatally shot" said the second one. Now there are 22 dead? 22 shot. Another school shooting. Four days before the anniversary of the worst school shooting in our nation's history. CAN WE PLEASE TAKE AWAY THE GUNS NOW? Can we shut down the NRA and Charlton Heston? Does anyone honestly believe that this would have happened if guns were illegal? Does anyone truthfully believe that twenty two people could have been murdered in a dorm and a classroom with a knife, a baseball bat or a car? (All arguments I have heard to support the lack of gun control)

Ok, I do not believe that guns are the root of all evil. I don't even think they should be completely outlawed. But don't give me that "Guns don't kill people, people kill people" BS, because it takes a lot more work for people to kill without guns. If people are going to murder in out country, our communities, let them work for it.

I know this post is scattered and I am babbling, but I am upset and pissed off. I am sick of hearing how guns are our right. When did the rights of others become more important than my right to LIFE?

Friday, April 13, 2007

This is a test

I am really impressed with some of the blogs I read and wanted to learn how to post URLs without actually having to post the URL. So I am trying it.

I love the Gators!

Edit: Too cool and too easy. No more long links for me.

Happy Friday the 13th

I actually enjoy Friday the 13th. I cut my horror movie teeth on the movies when I was a pre-teen, but I am not tremendously superstitious, so I get tickled when people get crazy about dates and cats and ladders. (Ok, I don't walk under ladders)

I am not sleeping. Well, of course, I am not sleeping right this minute, I am typing. But I am really not sleeping much at night. I don't feel stressed out or even very concerned about Monday's mamogram and the test results on Wednesday, but I guess I am subconsciously. I really enjoy sleep. I mean, more than most. And I am really missing it. I think I am going to have to break down and get some over the counter sleeping pills. Or a nice shot of something, maybe at bedtime.

I am really sick of the Imus crap. He screwed up. He is an ass; he deserves to be punished. Done. Let's move on. How is it that the American public only wants to watch BS like that and considers it news. Imus is a blurb, Anna Nicole is a blurb. Even the fired attorneys are a blurb. These are all things that point the public away from the fact that Army tours in Iraq have been extended; we are in a losing war and George W Bush is a criminal. For crying out loud, someone give him a blowjob so that we can impeach him.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

More good news

Well if it ain't one thing it is a dozen others. I seem to be having a whiny 'why me' month. It was Pap time again. Always something to look forward to in a woman's life. I had a couple of back to back bad Paps several years ago, so I am really obsessive about having mine done every year. I actually went 14 months in between this time which is a looooong time for me.

So, the Pap went well. The doctor remarked that he could easily remove the three moles that I have on my right breast. He has made this remark every year for the past 4, so this year I beat him to it and already have an appointment to have that done next week. Then he moved to the left breast and SURPRISE, a lump. Ok, a cyst, but what is a cyst except for a really small lump? I knew that a mammogram would have to be scheduled shortly, since I am facing the big four-oh, but hey, I get it a few weeks early 'for cause'. Great. Fine. Wonderful. I am sure it is nothing... except it really may be and then what? Cancer is something that no one likes to think about, so should I just ignore it and hope it is nothing? There is absolutely zero breast cancer on either side of my family.. isn't this stuff supposed to be hereditary?

Super and I still have to call my Mom and tell her. She is a worry wart of the worst sort. At least they could get me in quickly and I should have the results by the time I go in for the mole removal next week. A week. Seven days.

Nothing to worry about, right?

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Why isn't life fair?

Because Mama always said it wasn't? Because "that which does not kill us makes us stronger?" Because, dammit, it just isn't. This blog isn't political or sports minded, it is very very personal.

I found out last night, the night after my son turned 18, that my ex-husband and his new wife are expecting. This comes less than 2 weeks after SHE said 'if I get pregnant, I will shoot myself'. This comes just 2 months after they were both fired from their jobs due to misconduct (they are fighting that one). So, here they are, jobless and without insurance, expecting a lovely little bundle of joy. The self same bundle of joy that I BEGGED and PLEADED and CRIED for when I was still married to the asshole. I was the girl in school who wanted to get married and populate the planet. I wanted 4 kids, a boy, a girl and then a lovely set of boy/girl twins. Well, I gave up the idea of the twins after not sleeping for 3 solid months after my son was born, but I still wanted 3. I got one. HE didn't want anymore kids, too expensive, too stressful, too much whatever. Like he was ever around anyway. Like he is still around. He has absolutely no clue how to parent. He barely knows this awesome man that we brought into the world and he has made no effort to know him for years. But he gets another family. He gets another shot. He didn't have to parent the first time around, he knew I would take care of it.

To top it all off, my finace' and I finally decided (after living together for over 5 years) to tie the knot. (that is actually what the invitations say 'we are finally tying the knot') So, the date is set. And guess when they will be having this kid? Right around the time of my wedding. The wedding I didn't get when I married him, by the way. And, no, we are not having children together. He has 3, I have one, plus, my son is 18, I will be 40 before the end of the month, I can't see starting all over. I don't want another baby now. I want a 15 year old, the one I wanted way then. Besides, I can't even talk my finace' into a puppy right now.

I understand that there are bigger problems in the world. We are in a quagmire of a war with a crazy cowboy wannabe in the White House. So this isn't earthshattering. Except it really does feel like it is.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

In happier news, the University of Florida Gators have managed to win 3 Championship titles (in the two money sports) in 366 days! Wow, maybe Gainesville residents should vote to change the name of their city to Title Town.

If they win football again, I would appreciate it if it was against someone OTHER than tOSU. My fiancé is from Columbus, OH and he does love his Buckeyes. This has not strained our relationship, but eventually he is going to stop loving my Gators if they keep kicking some Buckeye butt! Bring on USC!

Misc Thoughts

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said Dubya was not being honest, that he (Dubya) was LYING to the American people. OMG, say it isn’t so. How could this happen? Oh, yes, his lips were moving.

Dubya is yelling that the Democrats should cut short their Easter vacation and get back to Washington to pass a budget that he will not be forced to veto. Hey! I have an idea, sign the budget they’ve given you, asshole. And then get the troops out of there! But, I digress. Dubya says that the military will suffer; training will grind to a halt & new equipment will not be made. Does anyone out there believe ANY of this?

In the late 90’s Clinton refused to sign the budget that Congress sent him (actually it was Oct, so he probably wasn’t signing the extension). I was active duty, I went to work. I was told I may or may not get paid on pay day. I did. The civil service was sent home, because “there is no money to pay them”. They got paid. Actually they sat on their asses for 2 weeks and then got paid for it. I am still a little pissed about that. (But I don’t hold a grudge.) Everyone will get paid. Training will continue on and why would equipment stop being made? The Army makes its own equipment now? NO. Those computers come from Dell. Those airplanes come from Boeing. They will keep working, they are pretty sure the government is good for it.

You can read the whole story :
If you have the stomach for it.

Is it Jan ’09 yet?

Happy Birthday to my Baby Boy!

Wow, how time flies when you are having fun (or struggling to pay the rent). My sweet, darling, beautiful son turned 18 yesterday. Yes, I know, not such a baby anymore. My plan was to post about his birthday yesterday when it was still his birthday, but, frankly, I teared up everytime I thought about it. While that may or may not make sense to many around me, it does to me. I AM happy that he is 18, graduating high school, making plans for college. But I am also sad, because it feels like I have been fired from my job! He's legally grown, will he ever need me again? What happened to that sweet baby who loved me best in the whole wide world? The one who lived to sit in my lap and snuggle with me? The one who could make me madder than anyone in the entire world?

Ok, I am crying now.

Things are supposed to change, I understand that. He is supposed to grow up and become independant (and help vote all Republicans out of office) and I have done everything I knew to do to help him achieve those goals. But there is a very large part of me who would like to have my baby back!

That isn't going to happen, so here is a slightly late Happy Birthday shout out. I do hope that your life is long, happy & filled with love.