HELP! Some advice for my friend, please

As I have mentioned my son is now 18 years old and will be attending college in a few weeks. While all children are different and most are difficult at times (as he was) for the most part, he has always been a very laid back, go with the flow child. Not counting the first three months (months that we both spent crying and I spent praying for just 30 straight minutes of sleep) he has always slept well. He has always been polite (publicly) and well spoken. Like I said, he is not, has not ever been or ever will be a perfect child, but he was a lot easier than a lot I have seen.

My friend, P, has two children. Her daughter, D, is 3 1/2 and her son, P2, is almost 17 months. D is a BRILLIANT child. My son spoke early, D was holding conversations at 13 months. This child created a reasonable facsimile of Churchill Downs (with blocks) after watching the Kentucky Derby with her father. She explained to her mother (after a fishing trip with her father) that the reason no fish were caught was because "We have over fished our current supply". She is not your average 3 year old, obviously.

Unfortunately, she is still only 3 so who knows if she has any understanding of what she says or was she just parrotting something she had heard? The problem is that there are times, like this morning, when she acts 13 or 14. Refusing to get dressed is one thing, but screaming in her mother's face and calling her mother crazy and taking her brother's library book from him (because she wanted ALL the books) and yelling that she WAS NOT going on a walk (which means riding in the stroller) because it meant no exercise for her is ridiculous. She has given up sleeping at naptime, but won't stay in her room. She gets out of bed 4 or 5 times a night before going to sleep. She is rude and nasty and ugly... at times. But sometimes she says "please" and "Thank you" without being reminded and sometimes she plays quietly with her brother without pushing him down. Is this normal and I was just lucky? Or is she out of control?

I think (at her age) a child should not be heard from after bedtime, except to use the bathroom or if they are hurt. (Obvious exception, in the middle of the night for night terrors or a nightmare, but that is AFTER they have slept). I think a child should not have to be told to do something 6 or 8 or 10 times. But, again, maybe I was just lucky. I didn't have a 2nd child, so I was probably still dressing my son at 3. I don't remember.

I think part of the problem is that D is bored. The family has recently moved from here on the Redneck Riviera to the eastern portion of North Carolina. Here everything (except real shopping) is no more than 15 minutes away. There, I guess, everything is 30 or more minutes. There are no pre-schools to be found. There are daycares who have a pre-school curriculum, but you have to pay for fulltime even if you only want your child to go 3 mornings a week. P is a stay at home mom and C (her husband) is active duty military, but not high ranking. P does take the children to the library once a week for story time and to check out books. D is supposed to start swim lessons (only last for 2 weeks) and then gymnastics once a week, but that still leaves a lot of hours to fill. D's birhday is in November, so she is not supposed to start kindergarten for another 2 years.

P has asked my advice, but I don't know what to tell her. I never had these problems. Has anyone else gone through this? Is she expecting too much? Is this just 3 year old blues? HELP!