Why isn't life fair?

Because Mama always said it wasn't? Because "that which does not kill us makes us stronger?" Because, dammit, it just isn't. This blog isn't political or sports minded, it is very very personal.

I found out last night, the night after my son turned 18, that my ex-husband and his new wife are expecting. This comes less than 2 weeks after SHE said 'if I get pregnant, I will shoot myself'. This comes just 2 months after they were both fired from their jobs due to misconduct (they are fighting that one). So, here they are, jobless and without insurance, expecting a lovely little bundle of joy. The self same bundle of joy that I BEGGED and PLEADED and CRIED for when I was still married to the asshole. I was the girl in school who wanted to get married and populate the planet. I wanted 4 kids, a boy, a girl and then a lovely set of boy/girl twins. Well, I gave up the idea of the twins after not sleeping for 3 solid months after my son was born, but I still wanted 3. I got one. HE didn't want anymore kids, too expensive, too stressful, too much whatever. Like he was ever around anyway. Like he is still around. He has absolutely no clue how to parent. He barely knows this awesome man that we brought into the world and he has made no effort to know him for years. But he gets another family. He gets another shot. He didn't have to parent the first time around, he knew I would take care of it.

To top it all off, my finace' and I finally decided (after living together for over 5 years) to tie the knot. (that is actually what the invitations say 'we are finally tying the knot') So, the date is set. And guess when they will be having this kid? Right around the time of my wedding. The wedding I didn't get when I married him, by the way. And, no, we are not having children together. He has 3, I have one, plus, my son is 18, I will be 40 before the end of the month, I can't see starting all over. I don't want another baby now. I want a 15 year old, the one I wanted way then. Besides, I can't even talk my finace' into a puppy right now.

I understand that there are bigger problems in the world. We are in a quagmire of a war with a crazy cowboy wannabe in the White House. So this isn't earthshattering. Except it really does feel like it is.