I received this in an Email from an old high school friend and it tickled me. Since I live in NW Florida, I am not considered a REAL Floridian, although I was born in the state. REAL Floridians either live within spitting distance of Mickey Mouse or are further south. But this was still amusing. I have changed the font color and size on the ones that actually pertain to me.
"Down South" means Key West
"Panhandling" means going to Pensacola.
You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.
Flip-flops are everyday wear.
Shoes are for business meetings and church.
No, wait, flip flops are good for church too
Socks are only for bowling
Orange juice from concentrate makes you vomit
Tap water makes you vomit
Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip to Florida.
You measure distance in minutes.
You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes. (This WAS true)
All the local festivals are named after a fruit. (Actually of the ones in NW Florida are named for some sort of seafood. The Seafood Festival, Oyster Festival, Mullet Festival)
A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.
Your winter coat is made of denim
You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites. (Can't everyone?)
You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65
You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer,not summer but really hot, and Christmas.
It's not "pop." It's "soda" or "coke."
Anything under 70 is chilly.
You've hosted a hurricane party.
You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides.
You pass on the right and honk at the elderly.
You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee, Okahumpka and Loxahatchee.
You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat than have a boat yourself.
You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.
Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include various fish, the NRA and a confederate flag.
You were 8 before you realized they made houses without pools.
You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.
You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.
You know what the "stingray shuffle" is and why it's important!
You could swim before you could read
You have to drive north to get to The South
You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
Every other house had blue roofs in 2004-2005
Youʼve gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark
You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.
You dread lovebug season.
You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.
You know what a snowbird is and you hate them.
You know why flamingos are pink.
You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
You were twelve before you ever saw snow or you still haven't. (My son will be 19 soon and has never seen snow)
Childhood daily chores included cleaning the trash the raccoons went through, picking up rotted fallen fruit from the trees in your yard, "skimming" the pool and checking pool chemicals.
You have to choose a Florida college football team in order to take part in any real conversations. Go Gators!