Monday, August 4, 2008

This Has More TMI Than the Post About my Lady Parts

Really, no kidding.

On Friday 25 July, there was a very long meeting, where everyone was required to sit for an extended period of time without a lot of moving. On top of that, I had an upset stomach and made many trips to the ladies that day. So, by the time I got home, my behind was a little chafed.

No problem. I spend most weekend running around the house in men's boxer shorts. (Yes, I dress if people are coming over or if we leave the house.) So I had no issues over the weekend.

On Monday (28 July) I noticed a bump on my bum. In between the cheeks. Again, no problem. A zit, an ingrown/infected hair? Whatever. I came to work and didn't even think about stopping after work for a pedicure, just because I wanted one.

Tuesday (I think it was morning) I noticed this was a little less comfortable. I asked DSD (who, just for the record, is the World's Best Husband!) to take a look. "Looks like a zit, but it doesn't have a head." So I'll wait. Right? Did I have a choice?

But I looked up homepathic remedies for zits, boils, ingrown hairs and stopped by the drugstore on the way home. I tried warm compresses, epson salt and other various things on Tuesday night, Wednesday and Wednesday night. What happened? It grew. Exponentially.

So that by Thursday morning it. was. the. size. of. an. EGG! And. it. hurt.

Sitting was not easy. Standing was not easy. Going from sitting to standing or the other way around was not easy. And, honestly, the only reason I called my doctor was because he was closed on Friday and I didn't want to suffer through the weekend. I figured he could give me something that would cause this stupid thing to come to a head so that I could get the gunk out. (Medical term for the day: gunk!)

I didn't expect him to tell me that I was going to need to see a surgeon. I didn't expect him to tell me that NONE of the homepathic remedies were ever going to work. I certainly didn't want to hear that the longer I left it, the more likely I was to get REALLY sick. (In my defense, I was watching for any flu-like symptoms, because that would have been a sign of a more serious infection.)

The diagnosis? Perirectal Abscess.

A perirectal abscess is a collection of pus in the deep tissues surrounding the anus. By contrast, a perianal abscess is a shallower collection of pus under the skin surrounding the anus. Both types of abscesses need immediate attention. A delay in treatment may cause serious worsening of the condition and unnecessary complications.

Ok, maybe it was perianal, but both doctors said rectal and really, who cares in the end?

You may not have stitches. Infected wounds such as abscesses are left open to drain. If they were stitched shut, they would just fill with pus again. There may be packing left in your wound, which will be removed by your doctor after a few days.
You may need to take an antibiotic for several days, depending on your condition. You should be given strong pain medication if you need it.

The problem is that my doctor said the packing had to be changed every day. Twice a day. And who do you think gets this absolutely fun-filled job? Why, my poor beleaguered husband*, of course.

And, yes, antibiotics. And, yes, nice pain drugs. I am not a big believer in narcotics (they scare me) so I have only taken 3 or 4 of the 30 I was prescribed. All they really did was make me loopy anyway. It still hurt like the dickens when the packing was changed.

This is all still going on. The packing changed twice a day. Warm baths twice a day. Antibiotics once a day. And a repeat trip to the surgeon on Thursday.

But I can sit (normally) and I can stand and I can walk (mostly normally as long as I don't over do it), so I am doing much better than I was Thursday and Friday. Have you ever tried eating dinner laying on your stomach? I really don't recommend it.

So, while I am still a big believer in homeopathic remedies, I may (just may) be less hesitant to go to the doctor in the future. But, just once, do you think I can do see him WITHOUT taking my pants off?

*He is honestly the absolute BEST husband in the world. I can not say enough good things about him. I have hit the jackpot this time.


Pete Bogs said...

OUCH! I had a butt boil a few years ago... it didn't get as big as an egg... probably as big as a walnut (unshelled) and as small as a caper... it changed size a few times - it resisted any puncturing and would grow bigger and harder (calm down ladies) when I tried to pierce it... finally had it removed surgically... quick outpatient dealy with local anaesthetic... take care o' yo behind, LLL!

Carl (aka Sofarsogoo) said...

Fascinating! (With a big wink!)

Amazing all the things that can go wrong with the human body. But that's only to be expected with such an incredibly complicated, fantastic, miraculous apparatus that can, in most cases, keep on chugging along with all faculties reasonably intact for decades in spite of everything.

Carl (aka Sofarsogoo) said...

My wife now informs me that she had one of those, in a nearby place. She managed to get rid of it without going to the doctor, by ways that sounded much like yours. She's quite certain that the cause was putting oil in her bath water. That clogged the pores, so she no longer does that.

LeftLeaningLady said...

Great advice, Carl. I actually don't put oil in my bath water, because it does other horrible things to the female body.

According to my doctors, the infection was NOT on the surface of my bottom, but deeper inside.